Friday, September 5, 2014
A recap of Summer via photographs
I had some time this morning to go through my summer pictures. I have decided to post some highlights here. I hope your summer was a good one. Mine went by quickly. I am ready for Fall and the colors it brings with it. For those new to my blog, I post pictures of nature from time to time. I love photography and enjoy capturing the things our Creator has given us. See you next week!
Summer began with the graduation of our daughters. They are a gift from God that I can't thank Him enough for. They are a miracle. They bring us much joy, much laughter, and much happiness!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
A Gift
When you think of gifts you think of presents. They are wrapped in pretty paper or shiny bows. A couple of weeks ago, I received a gift. It didn't come in a box. It didn't come in a bag. It didn't even have a bow. It also didn't come on a holiday or a celebration. It came at 3:30 a.m. Thursday morning. The gift I received was Time...
My day was as your day. I had laundry to do. Lists to make and schedules to keep. I had emails to send, items to purchase and suit cases to pack for a family vacation. We were leaving the following day. I was watching TV with the kids and curled up with my favorite blanket. I was surprised I was so wide awake at 11:00 p.m. I had taken my usual allergy pill a few hours prior and that usually makes me extremely tired for the first 6 to 8 hours. That is why I take it in the evening. We were changing channels and laughing and then the phone rang. We looked at each other because 11:00 p.m. calls are never that good. Mine wasn't. Time froze for me from that moment until the following day. The call was the call I just knew one day I would receive. I had thought what I would do when that call came and I simply wasn't ready. My dad has having chest/heart issues. I watched his father die of the same thing. I remember so well the hospital visit and sitting on the edge of the bed and saying good bye. I knew when I turned the handle on the door, I would never see him again this side of Heaven. I had tears as I left, yet he was suffering and in pain. Now all these years later, it was his son, my dad. My dad. Not someone else's dad. My dad. The man I am so much like. The man you makes me laugh. The man who discusses nature stories with me. The man who discusses politics with me. The man who discusses the bible with me and challenges me. The man who was never going to die and always be in my life.
I got changed and grabbed a water bottle and blanket. I got my keys and kissed my family good bye with a lump in my throat and drove the quiet streets of Lancaster. I was calm and prepared. It was going to be a false alarm and they were going to send him home and regulate everything with meds and we were still going on vacation. I met my sister and her family in the parking lot and was ready to see Dad. She was heading home and I was staying for the night. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Time still seemed frozen as I headed up the elevator. I had flash backs of all my visits with my three month stay all those years ago. I had some concerns, but was on autopilot. I simply wasn't ready for what was coming.
I walked into the room and he looked good. The nurses were caring for him and he even smiled at me. Mom was great. Sitting by his side and helping answer questions. Then the reports started coming in. He was staying. Numbers were not matching last round of tests. Things were calm and steady. They got him hooked up and in his bed. By now it is 3:00 a.m. I was still wide awake. They got a cot for mom. I had the chair in the corner, but thankfully it reclined. My mom was ready for some rest and as she crawled into bed, she realized she hadn't said good night to dad. She hopped back out, walked to his bed and kissed him good night and said "I love you". He did the same. Then in a few minutes, they were both sleeping. Snoring began moments later and that is when my gift came. In the quiet corner of a hospital room I felt its presence. Time. "I am giving you time Sue". I can't say how long, but time is yours right now. Spend it as you wish. My mind drifted back 19 years to the same hospital only one floor up. That same voice whispered, "you are never alone and I will never leave you, but will you trust me? Fully trust me?" I looked out the hospital window and saw the night sky and all the street lights. Just I had all those years ago, night after night. I drifted back to current day and I watched as both my parents slept. One to my right and one to my left.
I realized in that moment the man who taught me so much and loved me so much was laying in a bed for the first time in his life hooked up to life saving meds. I didn't know what the night would bring or how I would ever say good bye. Are we ever ready? I thought about all the things we have done together and all the questions we have discussed. I thought about people who never knew their dads, didn't have a relationship with their dads and then I thought of how my dad loved Jesus and because of that love, taught me about Jesus. I could list so many things and I know this means more to me than anyone else. I also know unless it is you walking it, it really isn't the same. But in that moment I realized I have been given the gift of two loving parents. They have loved each other completely for 50 plus years. The one needs the other as much as the other needs them. I hope our daughters can say the same about my husband and I.
Life doesn't stop because you are in the hospital. The sun started to rise and morning was coming. He was still breathing and still with me. I had not lost him. The tests would show later in the day that he needed double bypass surgery. In the moments I sat in the hospital under the night sky were moments I will never forget. God really does care and he really gives you what you need when you need it. I needed to face the hospital again after all those years and I needed to realize my dad is in his care.
Dad has had his surgery and continues to heal well. We are grateful that surgery was an option and that his future looks great.
I learned something else through all this. God still loves us even if we don't always act the way we should. I felt in a strange way like Peter. I didn't deny Christ these past few weeks, but prior to this, I would have said my faith was strong and that Jesus will get me through life's circumstances. All those items are true. But like Peter who just minutes before told Jesus he would stand beside him and fight for him, how quickly things changed he couldn't stay awake to pray and when solider came he ran. When I got news of my dad's condition, I would like to say, I prayed and was filled with peace and understanding and calmness. But, I immediately became selfish. I wanted my Dad longer. I didn't want to have to say good-bye. I was worried what was going to happen. I found I would let my thoughts wonder, instead of praying for peace. I tried to keep myself busy so I didn't have to face the facts. Where is faith in that? But you know what, God didn't stop loving me because of that, He chose me and knew my weaknesses. He knew when life would throw me curve balls, that my human nature would be to run, to fear, to doubt. As the day of surgery arrived I had such mixed feelings. What if it is worse then they say? What if he has a heart attack on the operating table, what if he has a stroke and can't speak? What if? And then that still small voice whispered again, "Sue, do you trust me? It is a win-win for you today. Either you will see your Dad again or he will see Me face to face". I had peace the rest of the day. God even gave me another gift later that same night. We were told by the nursing staff that Dad would be medicated most of the night and we should all go home and rest. We did just that. I now know a new level of exhaustion. However, at 8:30 p.m. I just had the feeling I needed to call and get an update from his nurse, so I could sleep better. When I called, she put him on the phone! I was able to ask how he was and to tell him I loved him. I was able to hear his voice and know that he hadn't had a stroke and that he remembered things and that his speech was fine. I cried when I hung up the phone, the stress of the week was taking its toll. I then felt such guilt that I was the one who heard his voice, not my siblings, not my mom, but me. Immediately, I heard the words, "Really after all we have been through today, you are going to let guilt have its way with you. I gave you a gift. I left you hear with your own ears that he is fine and will be fine. It is a gift meant for you to enjoy". You see God knew I was mentally drained. I hadn't had a good nights rest in days. I went to bed with a smile on my face and slept for a straight 8 hours. God is Good ALL the time.
My dad is 75. I have no idea how long we will have together, I hope a very long time, but I was faced with the fact, that life has an end, we live life like it doesn't. We plan as if it doesn't, but it does. We attend others funerals, but don't realize some day it will be us or our family. We always assume it will be others. We know this to be true, but we don't live like we believe it. We need to cherish the time we have for as long as we have it. I heard several times while sitting by Dad's bedside, "Code Blue", "Trauma", etc. We are never promised tomorrow. I saw so many people laying in beds with no hope or visitors. My heart was and is still heavy for them.
I have learned that things that were important yesterday aren't so much today. Love your family and don't rush time. Time is a gift. Use it wisely.
~Dad, I know you will read this and I want to say, I am proud to be your daughter. Thanks for being a wonderful husband to mom and showing us kids how a loving marriage looks as well as loving us kids enough to work hard, discipline us, encourage us, teach us about Christ and for always loving us. I love you dad!
My day was as your day. I had laundry to do. Lists to make and schedules to keep. I had emails to send, items to purchase and suit cases to pack for a family vacation. We were leaving the following day. I was watching TV with the kids and curled up with my favorite blanket. I was surprised I was so wide awake at 11:00 p.m. I had taken my usual allergy pill a few hours prior and that usually makes me extremely tired for the first 6 to 8 hours. That is why I take it in the evening. We were changing channels and laughing and then the phone rang. We looked at each other because 11:00 p.m. calls are never that good. Mine wasn't. Time froze for me from that moment until the following day. The call was the call I just knew one day I would receive. I had thought what I would do when that call came and I simply wasn't ready. My dad has having chest/heart issues. I watched his father die of the same thing. I remember so well the hospital visit and sitting on the edge of the bed and saying good bye. I knew when I turned the handle on the door, I would never see him again this side of Heaven. I had tears as I left, yet he was suffering and in pain. Now all these years later, it was his son, my dad. My dad. Not someone else's dad. My dad. The man I am so much like. The man you makes me laugh. The man who discusses nature stories with me. The man who discusses politics with me. The man who discusses the bible with me and challenges me. The man who was never going to die and always be in my life.
I got changed and grabbed a water bottle and blanket. I got my keys and kissed my family good bye with a lump in my throat and drove the quiet streets of Lancaster. I was calm and prepared. It was going to be a false alarm and they were going to send him home and regulate everything with meds and we were still going on vacation. I met my sister and her family in the parking lot and was ready to see Dad. She was heading home and I was staying for the night. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Time still seemed frozen as I headed up the elevator. I had flash backs of all my visits with my three month stay all those years ago. I had some concerns, but was on autopilot. I simply wasn't ready for what was coming.
I walked into the room and he looked good. The nurses were caring for him and he even smiled at me. Mom was great. Sitting by his side and helping answer questions. Then the reports started coming in. He was staying. Numbers were not matching last round of tests. Things were calm and steady. They got him hooked up and in his bed. By now it is 3:00 a.m. I was still wide awake. They got a cot for mom. I had the chair in the corner, but thankfully it reclined. My mom was ready for some rest and as she crawled into bed, she realized she hadn't said good night to dad. She hopped back out, walked to his bed and kissed him good night and said "I love you". He did the same. Then in a few minutes, they were both sleeping. Snoring began moments later and that is when my gift came. In the quiet corner of a hospital room I felt its presence. Time. "I am giving you time Sue". I can't say how long, but time is yours right now. Spend it as you wish. My mind drifted back 19 years to the same hospital only one floor up. That same voice whispered, "you are never alone and I will never leave you, but will you trust me? Fully trust me?" I looked out the hospital window and saw the night sky and all the street lights. Just I had all those years ago, night after night. I drifted back to current day and I watched as both my parents slept. One to my right and one to my left.
I realized in that moment the man who taught me so much and loved me so much was laying in a bed for the first time in his life hooked up to life saving meds. I didn't know what the night would bring or how I would ever say good bye. Are we ever ready? I thought about all the things we have done together and all the questions we have discussed. I thought about people who never knew their dads, didn't have a relationship with their dads and then I thought of how my dad loved Jesus and because of that love, taught me about Jesus. I could list so many things and I know this means more to me than anyone else. I also know unless it is you walking it, it really isn't the same. But in that moment I realized I have been given the gift of two loving parents. They have loved each other completely for 50 plus years. The one needs the other as much as the other needs them. I hope our daughters can say the same about my husband and I.
Life doesn't stop because you are in the hospital. The sun started to rise and morning was coming. He was still breathing and still with me. I had not lost him. The tests would show later in the day that he needed double bypass surgery. In the moments I sat in the hospital under the night sky were moments I will never forget. God really does care and he really gives you what you need when you need it. I needed to face the hospital again after all those years and I needed to realize my dad is in his care.
Dad has had his surgery and continues to heal well. We are grateful that surgery was an option and that his future looks great.
I learned something else through all this. God still loves us even if we don't always act the way we should. I felt in a strange way like Peter. I didn't deny Christ these past few weeks, but prior to this, I would have said my faith was strong and that Jesus will get me through life's circumstances. All those items are true. But like Peter who just minutes before told Jesus he would stand beside him and fight for him, how quickly things changed he couldn't stay awake to pray and when solider came he ran. When I got news of my dad's condition, I would like to say, I prayed and was filled with peace and understanding and calmness. But, I immediately became selfish. I wanted my Dad longer. I didn't want to have to say good-bye. I was worried what was going to happen. I found I would let my thoughts wonder, instead of praying for peace. I tried to keep myself busy so I didn't have to face the facts. Where is faith in that? But you know what, God didn't stop loving me because of that, He chose me and knew my weaknesses. He knew when life would throw me curve balls, that my human nature would be to run, to fear, to doubt. As the day of surgery arrived I had such mixed feelings. What if it is worse then they say? What if he has a heart attack on the operating table, what if he has a stroke and can't speak? What if? And then that still small voice whispered again, "Sue, do you trust me? It is a win-win for you today. Either you will see your Dad again or he will see Me face to face". I had peace the rest of the day. God even gave me another gift later that same night. We were told by the nursing staff that Dad would be medicated most of the night and we should all go home and rest. We did just that. I now know a new level of exhaustion. However, at 8:30 p.m. I just had the feeling I needed to call and get an update from his nurse, so I could sleep better. When I called, she put him on the phone! I was able to ask how he was and to tell him I loved him. I was able to hear his voice and know that he hadn't had a stroke and that he remembered things and that his speech was fine. I cried when I hung up the phone, the stress of the week was taking its toll. I then felt such guilt that I was the one who heard his voice, not my siblings, not my mom, but me. Immediately, I heard the words, "Really after all we have been through today, you are going to let guilt have its way with you. I gave you a gift. I left you hear with your own ears that he is fine and will be fine. It is a gift meant for you to enjoy". You see God knew I was mentally drained. I hadn't had a good nights rest in days. I went to bed with a smile on my face and slept for a straight 8 hours. God is Good ALL the time.
My dad is 75. I have no idea how long we will have together, I hope a very long time, but I was faced with the fact, that life has an end, we live life like it doesn't. We plan as if it doesn't, but it does. We attend others funerals, but don't realize some day it will be us or our family. We always assume it will be others. We know this to be true, but we don't live like we believe it. We need to cherish the time we have for as long as we have it. I heard several times while sitting by Dad's bedside, "Code Blue", "Trauma", etc. We are never promised tomorrow. I saw so many people laying in beds with no hope or visitors. My heart was and is still heavy for them.
I have learned that things that were important yesterday aren't so much today. Love your family and don't rush time. Time is a gift. Use it wisely.
~Dad, I know you will read this and I want to say, I am proud to be your daughter. Thanks for being a wonderful husband to mom and showing us kids how a loving marriage looks as well as loving us kids enough to work hard, discipline us, encourage us, teach us about Christ and for always loving us. I love you dad!
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