Last week, she followed Maggie and I on one of our walks. She had done this in the past, but this night was different. We went right instead of left, and not 20 minutes but an hour. At first she kept up. I felt bad because it took several steps for her to my one step not to mention Maggie's leaps! The grass was still wet and there were sections of mud. Water and mud make Maggie thrilled, Patches not so much. She left me pick her up. Within seconds she started the hissing , scratching, and growling. I held her tight. She then did a strange thing, she tucked her head in my arm and relaxed. If she didn't look where we were going, she was fine. As soon as she lifted her head, she panicked.
As I walked along, I had this thought come over me. Does it remind you of anyone? Me. No, not me. Yes, you. And then a picture came to mind. How many times do I go out on my own and do things well? I tag along and see what will happen. I don't pray about it or even consider I might get in a mess. Then all of a sudden, I am tired, scared, confused and frustrated. No one seems to understand. Yet, there He is waiting. He leans over and picks me up. Do I thank Him? No, I kick, spit, fuss, complain and look ungrateful. Now, I don't physically do those things, but my words and thoughts do. I even try and get others to see it my way. When all along all I have to do is, surrender to Him my concerns, fears and worries. He doesn't love me any less and you know what, He sees the road ahead and realizes it will have some muddy spots. I am not going to like some of the things coming my way, so instead of changing the way, He lifts me up and gives me peace, strength and courage. Some parts I can walk through myself, others, I need Him to carry me.
She didn't realize that the walk would be so long. She didn't know it would be muddy and wet. She didn't like that her only two options were to keep going or surrender to being held. I held on tightly and talked softly in her ear. She finally realized I was helping her and not harming her. The growling finally stopped, the claws retracted, and you know what? If I went a bit longer, I think she may have fallen asleep in my arms. As we got closer to the barn and I put her down, I was reminded that God loves to care for me, just as I loved carrying Patches. I knew she wouldn't make it.She was exhausted. I knew she hated the mud. I knew she didn't trust me. Yet, once she finally did and got so relaxed, I thought, is that how God feels when I finally stop fussing, stop complaining, stop whining, and just trust. I think so. Sometimes He holds on tightly and whispers in our ears, that it will be okay. I don't know for sure why she came to our home or why she was dropped off, but she has taught me many things and that my friend, may be the very reason she is here, because yes, God will use anything to get His point across.
**Surgery update: THANK YOU for the many prayers on my behalf. I am healing well and I head to the surgeon's office tomorrow to get things "flushed" out. Not sure how that will happen, but trust that I will feel even better afterwards.
ReplyDeleteThanking God for blessing you with a good surgery. Love your thoughts.